Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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