I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
