we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
