how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
