from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want her autograph on my taint
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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