This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
