Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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