I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
