i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
