Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
