Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
