are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
