Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
