It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
