no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
