Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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