we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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