please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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