last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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