I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
