you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
pray to the hookup gods
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
