allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
