its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
