What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
