Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
worst night to have a conscience
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
