Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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