i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
