About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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