So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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