Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
