god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
