fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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