Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
