That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
