Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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