She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My ass is underappreciated
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
