I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
