Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
