Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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