never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
