Cold hands, warm shart.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
