What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
