Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
