Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
