that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
