you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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