i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
