He uses pillows to masturbate.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
