he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
