Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
