Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
