If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
