Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
